What's Your Sign?

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Aquarius

 

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

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You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be aggressive, You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a bastard................Ideal job ( Attorney ) Diving head first into suggestive truth telling, or selective hearing while blindly ruining someone elses life....Then get paid a shit-load of cash for your trouble. Keep fuckin up asshole, thats your policy.
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Pisces ( Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
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You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw themselves over a lot and tend to blame others for it...............Ideal job ( Video Game Tester ) Where else will you find new ideas on government cover-ups and espionage? After all, its not like your so pathetic that people may NOT actually give a flying shit about you?
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Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 20)
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You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advise. You are a prick. Most female Aries people are cheating whores............Ideal job ( Prostitute ) Know one likes you anyway, why listen? Besides, your a whore....You should at least get paid for it.
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Taurus (Apr. 21 - May 20)
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You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. If your married to and Aries, they will cheat on you every chance they get. You are nothing but a goddamn communist................Ideal job ( Proctologist ) Long hours after a decade of school, just to deal with an ass. Keep digging ass jockey, at least you have your health.
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Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 20)
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You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are a bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap piece of shit...........Ideal job ( Pawn Shop Owner ) Buying precious family heirlooms for pennies to the dollar, then selling them to anyone who will buy using quick witted seedy intellect. Yea..
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Cancer (Jun. 21 - Jul. 22)
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You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit..............Ideal job ( Domestic Engineer ) Your children will mow you down, but at least you can eat away your sorrow with all the food stamps you’ll receive.
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Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22)
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You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy, most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss asses.......Ideal job ( Used Car Sales-person ) Forcing someone to do what you want them to while disregarding their own wants and beliefs, what else can you ask for?
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Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
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You are the logical type and have a hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.............Ideal job ( Bus Driver or Pimp ) Fate has really fucked you.
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Libra ( Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
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You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male you are probably queer. Most Libra women are bitches. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. All Libras die with venereal disease..................Ideal job ( Fashion Magazine Photographer) Male or female, your just happy to take photos of ass.
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Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
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You are shrewd, pushy and don't care about other peoples input. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Scorpios can't hold a relationship because they try to run it like a business. Most Scorpios are murdered............Ideal job ( Marriage Counselor ) You would take great pride in pointing out other peoples faults. Telling it like it is comes natural to you, and proving someone wrong is the icing on the cake.
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Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
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You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a ridiculous tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians people are drunks, pot-heads, or sarcastic hostile psychopaths. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked.................Ideal job ( Comedian or Bouncer ) Your ideal day can go either way, kick their ass or make them laugh. Its all the same to you anyway. Asshole!
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Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
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You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never a Capricorn of any importance. You should do the world a favor and kill yourself..................Ideal job ( Hair Dresser ) Either that or kill yourself....Your Choice.