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I read an article about this huge ass guy that sued McDonalds for getting stuck in one of their booths. How the hell do you get stuck in a booth? I can sit sideways in one of those things, Damn...That’s one big bastard! Anyway, he said that after he ordered ( Three double cheese burgers, fries, two apple pies, ALL SUPER SIZED!! And a goddamn Diet Coke. What good does a diet drink of any kind do if your cramming lard by the shovel load into your big ass face? He sat down at the table (They have these swivel seats) and got stuck! Did yall hear this shit?! He got fucking stuck! In order to get stuck, he would have had to swivel himself into the seat to were he would be facing forward right? How many times did he actually attempt the "Swivel" before he slid on into this little death trap? I’ve seen mice crawl into a beer bottle eat something then not be able to get out....But this would have to be a big ass mouse! resembling more like a pregnant opossum.

They had to call in some guys with tools to take the table apart and pry this fat pile of shit out. In the mean time you just know he didn’t let his food go to waste. He sued them for millions of dollars and one. You know, every restaurant I have ever been to had a salad on the menu.....Maybe when they ask you what you want, you should point to that once in awhile?? They should have just shot the son of a bitch like a rhino on safari and got it over with.

Skinny people are the same way. The say things like "I forgot to eat today" How the fuck do you do that? Now I have forgotten my car keys, my wallet, I even forget birthdays and holidays....But I have NEVER forgotten to eat. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget something like that. Or they do eat just quickly head to the ol bathroom and deep throat a finger. Sick bunch of fucks!

People who say "I’m so full I can't eat another bite" Why the hell would you then? I can just picture someone sitting in their little "swivel" chair at oh, say.......McDonalds? Holding a fork in their fat little quivering hand, all sweaty, just trying to squeeze in one more bite before they pop like a piñata and shit goes flying everywhere....Mmmm, Tasty.

People who point at their wrist while asking you for the time. I know where my watch is asshole, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my dick when I ask where the bathroom is? In retrospect, I have seen small children run around holding their crotch when they have to go. But it would be ridiculous to run around holding your wrist when you need to be somewhere now wouldn’t it?

When people say "It's always the last place you look" No shit! Of course it was dumbass, why the fuck would I have wasted hours searching in every location after I already found it? Are there people who actually do this? I want to know who they are?

I heard a commercial on the radio about drinking and driving. The guy talking was Jeff Healey from The Jeff Healey band ( For those of you wondering, he's fuckin blind) He said "Im Jeff Healey from The Jeff Healey band, and I don't drink and drive......... Really?.........................That’s fascinating,.............................Because your fucking blind stupid!!! You couldn’t drive even if you were sober!!! Who in their right mind would give you the go-ahead to perform that little stunt? I would pay to see some shit like that!! Either way, I am still not comforted with the notion that a blind man is driving responsibly.

Have any of you ever heard someone say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too?"........What the fuck am I supposed to do with my goddamn cake? Have you ever been to a birthday party, got your piece of cake, then just fuckin stared at it? I bet that fat guy at McDonalds wouldn’t do that! Take your cake and shove it up your ass then!!

People who ask you "Can I ask you a question?".........You just did jackass!! I didn’t actually have a choice now did I? I even had someone ask me a question while I was at the urinal in the men’s room! Of all the places to have a conversation with me......That’s not one of them!!! Why would you even attempt to talk to someone at this juncture?? What's goin on buddy?? Oh im just standin here with my cock in my hand, trying NOT to piss on myself...You? Get the picture?......Now FUCK OFF!!!