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Well today I decided to take my kids to see a movie... We all agreed on Twilight. The movie was great ..........It was when I walked out into the parking lot everything got all shitty!! I could'nt help but notice the key to my truck wasn’t working. Everything seemed fine? Or so I thought...............Then I noticed the big ass crack in my door handle! Some fucking little shit bag decided to break into my truck just to take a few crap ass CD's and a shitty stereo I had laying on the floorboard...WTF?..?!!
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My whole night was ruined. Here we are standing out in the cold with a fucked up door and shit missing..........(MY SHIT) Aint this about a bitch?? I walk back inside the movie theater and tell the pimple faced little faggot with the Flock of Seagulls hairdo (Which for some unknown reason these weirdoes always get the ticket tearing podium job??) that my truck got fucked off and needed to call the local P.D. ...... He just stared at me? What kind of ignorant little rope suckin freak is this?..! I know didn’t stutter or anything, and I goddamn better not have to repeat myself! Finally after several visions of penises danced in his head.....(After all it is the holidays), he pointed me to yet another lost soul... This one was the "Keeper of the Radio"...........She must be important. I believe thats one step above popcorn lady and slushee man? She had a pair of glasses that could be used in place of an X-Ray machine making her eyes look as though she just shot up a pound of speed.

Anyway, she call the cops...... (They had them on speed dial, why am I not surprised??) The cops told us to wait?.. So we wait, and wait, and fucking wait! This shit was spinning me into a realm of pissed off I have not seen in years! Finally.......The son of a bitch shows up, Drunken Donuts must have closed? And of course he has to ask the question........."Are you the one whose vehicle has been broken into?"..........No fucker im just standing here out in the goddamn cold weather staring at a fucked off looking truck that’s missing the entire locking mechanism!! Maybe im planning on sharing a few 40's with the local wino's.... standing near the large barrels of burning garbage? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IM DOING ASSHOLE!!

Calmly (Stressing the word Calmly)..... I said "yes, I am". Speaking in the same tones as the Grinch when asked about stealing the Christmas Tree... After him starring at my vehicle for several minutes with his handy flashlight he determined and deduced that it had in fact been burglarized. WW!!?? Did your fucking Spidey sense tell you that one? No shit!........He then asked me if I reported the incident?? If your fucking standing here talking to me about it.........Then its pretty fucking obvious I told "someone"!!

Time was now crawling.........I was told in great detail how crimes of this exact nature were a constant problem in that particular area and how I shouldn’t park here anymore... I thought it was a parking lot? What the fuck else would I be doing here? He then informed me that I would have to wait for the forensics team to arrive. This part bothers me.........What does he mean by wait? How long? As long as HE took to finally get here perhaps? The people who committed this little issue would. not only be long gone, but their kids by then would be old enough to be sifting through my goddamn pockets while I was "WAITING" ......I now know I might as well have been waiting for hell to freeze over. They weren’t coming!
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Something about being diverted to another situation of greater importance.....I now feel very un-important. I was not aware that a forensics team was utilized for so many different problems. Did you know that they are dispersed to areas of domestic violence? I didn’t know they needed to dust the battered spouse's forehead for knuckle prints? I thought it was so much more simplified, like "That son of a bitch hit me!!".........and then its off to jail they go? I guess not.....

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So we leave for home, and call it a day...............2:00 A.M. FIVE FUCKING HOURS LATER..!! They call me at my house, thirty miles away mind you.......And ask me if im still.. at the crime scene because their forensics TEAM has finally arrived and are waiting. Waking me up from a dead sleep...........just to tell me that THEY are now waiting for ME!!??

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There is no way to describe the rage that built up at that moment. I could feel this intense burning sensation travel straight up my spine to the top of my head causing it to burst into flames like Hell Rider!!.........I could only mutter out one small suggestion that I thought at that time was very significant to the cause..........(Seething with animosity) I could only suggest they "Go to hell, and sit on a hot coal, then wait till it snows!!" Now im wide awake and staring at keys to a fucking truck that will not open.............................................Life is good............................................Go fuck yourself!!

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